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jstill422

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Damn its been forever [15 Dec 2005|04:38pm]
[ mood | energetic ]

Its been a long ass time... Alot has happened... Me & Anth broke up for real this time. He was cheating on me with this 15 your old but its all good cause hes cheating on her too... lol... Anyways I gots me a new hottie.... TREATS ME 10000000000 times better too.. Most of you know that already tho....

Not to much else

Kick it one time kids

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So much for my happy ending...... [10 Aug 2005|08:14am]
[ mood | Crushed ]

Ever since you left me I've been trying to hide the pain Painting on a smile with lipstick Putting on a big charade So difficult to keep pretending It's getting harder everyday It's plain to see, I'm cold and heartsick Since you turned and walked away I just keep going round and round And round in circles
Keep on tumbling down Oh boy, my world has changed And I don't think I can make it without you Nothing's the same You got me running around in circles over you Saturday I saw you Holding hands with someone new Somehow I kept my composure Just like everything was cool But inside I kept repeating Don't you let them see you cry So I casually turned my head As the tears rolled down my eyes I just keep going round and round And round in circles Keep on tumbling down Oh boy, my world has changed And I don't think I can make it without you
Nothing's the same You got me running around in circles over you Everything is you How can I pull through My heart is consumed, I'm so confused Still caught up in you, love can be so cruel Baby, don't know how to turn you loose.... So there has been alot goin on & I havent had time to update. Anthony has a new gf... Totally CRUSHED me, He tells me on a sunday that he doesnt have time for a gf & doesnt want one anymore.. Yea 2 days later hes got a new gf.. My world ended.

Went to the car show with RJ & everyone. It was fun. I ended up getting sick tho. Sunday Iwent to the hospital & just got out lastnight.. Yea not good news there. Not something Im gonna write about on here tho...

So that song is this new Mariah Carey song on her CD called Circles.. It just fits with my life right now..

Not to much else goin on so...

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[10 Jul 2005|11:19am]
Your Daddy Is Johnny Depp


What You Call Him: Papi
Why You Love Him: Because he's your baby daddy

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Take me to heaven so I can watch over you forever [23 Jun 2005|10:46am]
[ mood | depressed ]

Damn alot has been goin on...

Where to start...

Work has been fun/crazy... I dunno I like it there I like the people I work with & all that shit. Me & Sara have been doin alot together. Alot of the time we jus kinda drive around & whatever..

Me & Anth I cant even start to talk about it cause im gonna cry.. Lets jus say nothing ever gets better when it should.. This is gonna be what kills me. Im gonna die of a broken heart... I can feel it already.. Its like a big set up for huge let down...

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so much shit goin on & no one to talk to.... [05 Jun 2005|05:37pm]
[ mood | heart broken ]

So I jus found out the worst thing ever... Dont really wanna talk about it now tho.. Only one person needs to know about it & he knows so thats all that matters.. Im goin thru so much right now & I feel bad cause im takin it out on everyone & everything.

I dont know whats goin on with me & Anthony anymore. I dont make him happy & I dont know what to do. Its killin me. I hate it. I love him so much & I cant help how I feel. Hes everything to me. I cant lose him. Ill go crazy.

Baby if your readin this I jus want you to know that I love you & always will. No matter what happens with us I with us ill always be here for you no matter what & ill never stop loving you. You really truley are my life. I cant see myself without next to me.

I gott stop now cause im cryin and I jus wanna lay down..

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Even if it kills me im gonna smile [02 Jun 2005|08:27pm]
[ mood | confused ]

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:Jackie
Birthday:4-17-83
Birthplace:a hospital
Current Location:East Syracuse NY
Eye Color:Grey
Hair Color:Blonde
Height:5'5''
Right Handed or Left Handed:both mostly right
Your Heritage:Italian
The Shoes You Wore Today:Nike Cortez & my work shoes
Your Weakness:Anthony
Your Fears:Being alone
Your Perfect Pizza:BBQ Chicken
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:dunno theres alot
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:lol
Thoughts First Waking Up:I wonder what Anthony is doing?
Your Best Physical Feature:Boobs/Smile/Ass/Eyes
Your Bedtime:When I fall asleep... The past month by like 10pm
Your Most Missed Memory:My Aunt Pam :(
Pepsi or Coke:Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:BK
Single or Group Dates:Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:Nestea
Chocolate or Vanilla:Vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee:Both
Do you Smoke:Nope
Do you Swear:Yep
Do you Sing:All the time
Do you Shower Daily:2 times
Have you Been in Love:Am right now
Do you want to go to College:Already did
Do you want to get Married:Only to my baby
Do you belive in yourself:Some days
Do you get Motion Sickness:no... what kind of question is that??
Do you think you are Attractive:Some days
Are you a Health Freak:kinda?
Do you get along with your Parents:Somedays
Do you like Thunderstorms:Only when im with someone
Do you play an Instrument:I did
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:yes
In the past month have you Smoked:no
In the past month have you been on Drugs:yes... But they are from my dr
In the past month have you gone on a Date:umm i dunno if you could call it that
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:Yes I worked there
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:Nope
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:eww no
In the past month have you been on Stage:Yep
In the past month have you been Dumped:Nope
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:It was like 45 out WAY TO COLD
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:Jus some stuff for my fish tank
Ever been Drunk:Hell yea who hasnt
Ever been called a Tease:nope
Ever been Beaten up:nope
Ever Shoplifted:once
How do you want to Die:in bed next to the love of my life
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:teacher
What country would you most like to Visit:Italy
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:Brown
Favourite Hair Color:Brown
Short or Long Hair:short
Height:5'0'' to 5'4''
Weight:120-170
Best Clothing Style:anything
Number of Drugs I have taken:351651321321032489465132032165
Number of CDs I own:to many to count
Number of Piercings:7
Number of Tattoos:2
Number of things in my Past I Regret:I dont regret anything I have ever done I learn from it & grow

CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!






MY STEVEN IS HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Alot on my mind but jus dont know how to say it [11 May 2005|10:34am]
[ mood | oh so lost ]

What do you do when you know something's bad for you
And you still can't let go?

I was naive
Your love was like candy
Artificially sweet
I was deceived by the wrapping

Got caught in your web
And I learned how to plead
I was prey in your bed
And devoured completely

And it hurts my soul
Cos I can't let go
All these walls are caving in
I can't stop my suffering
I hate to show that I've lost control
Cos I, I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need to walk away from

I need to get away from it
I need to walk away from it
Get away, walk away, walk away

I should have known
I was used for amusement
Couldn't see through the smog
It was all an illusion

Now I've been licking my wounds (licking my wounds)
Woke up in love and seems so great (deeper, deeper)
We both can't subdue
Darling you hold me prisoner (prisoner)

I'm about to break
I can't stop this ache
I'm addicted to your lure
and I'm feeling for a cure
Every step I take
Leads to one mistake
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need...

I can make it
It's some state I'm in
Getting nothing everytime
What did I do to deserve
The pain of this moment
And everywhere I turn
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need to walk away from

I need to get away from it
I need to walk away from it
Get away, walk away, walk away

Everytime I try to grasp for air
I get smothered and this sky, it's never over, over
Seems I never wake from this nightmare
I let out a solid breath, let it be over, over

Inside I'm screaming
Breaking, pleading the world
Ahh...

My heart has been bruised
So sad but it's true
Each peep reminds me of you

It hurts my soul
Cos I can't let go
All these walls are caving in
I can't stop my suffering
I hate to show that I've lost control
Cos I, I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need...

I'm about to break
I guess I missed it
I'm addicted to your lure
And I'm feeling for a cure
Every step I take
Leads to one mistake
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need...

I can make it
It's some state I'm in
Getting nothing everytime
What did I do to deserve
The pain of this moment
And everywhere I turn
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need to walk away from

I say...
I need to get away from it
I need to walk away from it
Get away, walk away, walk away

Only thing I need to do is walk away

I need to get away from it
I need to walk away from it
Get away, walk away, walk away

I need to get away from it
I need to walk away from it
Get away, walk away, walk away

I need to get away from it
I need to walk away from it
Get away, walk away, walk away

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Would you hold my hang if I saw you in heaven [04 May 2005|01:54pm]
[ mood | Cryin my eyes out ]

So this week had been a hrad one there has been alot of shit goin on.. Tomorrow will be 2 years my Aunt pam has been gone.. Im tryin to keep it together but im fallin apart.. Im not gonna make it all alone tomorrow. Its gonna be a hard long day of tears alone in my room with one song over and over all day/night... Maybe ill take a ride to the top of the world cause that was her place too but I dont know if I can.. I dont know. I jus miss her more than anything. Its not the same without her. I think about her everyday. Please help me get thru tomorrow..

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Im jus lost [28 Apr 2005|09:23pm]
[ mood | Heart Broken ]

So alot has happened from the last time I wrote.. I went to NC.. It was fun.. Hot but fun.. As most of you know my Cousin Kev was in a motorcycle accedent April 16th. Hes doing alright. Hes moving along slow but hes getting better. Its gonna take a while. I guess things with me & Anth are the same. He says we will be back together 100% someday but jus not now? I dont know I love him & I know he knows that I love him. I jus wish I knew if he loved me still? Its a thought thats been in my head for a while now and I cant get it to go away. I have been under so much stress & cry everyday. I cry myself to sleep I cry as soon as I wake up.. I have no one to talk to no one I can trust anymore.. I jus dont know what I am doing with my life. Im tryin so hard to make him happy & be the person that he wonts me to be so we can be together but it seems like hes jus pushing me away like he doesnt want me.. He never wants to hangout & see me anymore everything else comes before me & it jus hurts.. He doesnt even tell me he loves me anymore.. I jus dont understand... I dunno im gonna go lay down for a lil while.. Ill write more later

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Random shit cause i cant sleep [12 Apr 2005|12:38am]
[ mood | awake ]



You Will Die at Age 58



58





Not bad, considering your super wild lifestyle

Want to live longer? Try losing a few bad habits.








JACQUELINE ANNEMARIE STILLITANO
J is for Jealous
A is for Amorous
C is for Complex
Q is for Quick
U is for Upbeat
E is for Extraordinary
L is for Lovable
I is for Important
N is for Neat
E is for Enlightened
is for
A is for Astounding
N is for Neat
N is for Neat
E is for Edgy
M is for Mysterious
A is for Athletic
R is for Relaxing
I is for Intense
E is for Emotional
is for
S is for Snarky
T is for Tender
I is for Important
L is for Lucky
L is for Legendary
I is for Important
T is for Thoughtful
A is for Articulate
N is for Naughty
O is for Optimistic


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Random shit cause i cant sleep? [12 Apr 2005|12:36am]
[ mood | awake ]



You Are 19 Years Old



19





Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.






Thats funny seein that ill be 22 on sunday?? LOL but hey im still a spoild lil kid & i LOVE IT :)
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in one of them moods... If I close my eyes forever will it all stay the same? [11 Apr 2005|11:03pm]
[ mood | confused ]

So its almost been 2 years that Pam has passed away... I started to find myself going back down that road a few weeks ago.. Takin pills to make shit go away & to take away the pain of whats goin on in my life.. I dont wanna do that anymore... I dont wanna become that person again.. I hated myself then.. I hurt so many people when I was like that & I cant let myself do it again.. I jus get so scared that im gonna lose it that I take pills to hold it all in.. Its like my life is in my hands every time.. I mean its not as bad as I was back in the day.. Like im not talkin 6 or 7 pills every hour... Ill like take 1 or 2 a week if im feelin bad.. Im jus afraid that im gonna get to that point where I was back then.. I dunno im jus lost.. Shit jus keeps addin on to everything & pushin me more & more to the edge and I am about to go over....


Jus got alot of shit on my mind & no one to talk to about any of it...........

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dunno [10 Apr 2005|07:38pm]
[ mood | irritated ]

Today is 9months for me and Anth.. Things are good I guess. They could be better...

Its been a messed up weekend.. Alot of shit went down & I jus dont know anymore what im doing with my life...

Maybe if I jus stop talkin to everyone?? Things will be better? I dont know what to do..

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Random [10 Apr 2005|07:35pm]
[ mood | irritated ]

What Icons are for you? by ladyallie
Username
Favourite Colour
Sex
Your Love icon is...
Your Sad Icon is...
Your Happy Icon is...
Your Angry Icon is...
Your Food Icon is...
Your Animal Icon is...
Your Random Icon is...
Your Cartoon Icon is...
Your Sexy Icon is...
Quiz created with MemeGen!
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WWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW [06 Apr 2005|12:15am]
[ mood | FUCKIN ERRRR ]

I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY MUTHER FUCKIN PEOPLE GOTTA FUCK WITH MY LIFE??? I REALLY DONT GET IT... I MEAN FUCK... DAMN THEY SAY THEY ARE MY FRIENDS AND ONE CLAMES TO BE "IN LOVE" WITH ME THEN THEY ALL TURN THERE BACK ON ME CAUSE I TALK TO SOMEONE?? COME ON LETS GROW UP A LIL.. WOW LIKE THE ONLY TRUE ONE OUT OF THAT CREW HAS BEEN SARA SHE JUS KINDA SAYS WHAT SHES GOTTA SAY THEN LETS ME DO WHAT I GOTTA DO.. I CANT FUCKIN SLEEP OR DO ANTHING WITHOUT WONDERING WHATS GONNA HAPPEN WHEN I WAKE UP... IS SOMEONE GONNA START MORE RUMORS?? I MEAN WOW REALLY HOW OLD ARE WE TO BE PLAYIN THE OH I SLEPT WITH HER GAME?? FIRST OF ALL YOUR NOT MY TYPE AT ALL AND SECOND I LOVE MY MAN AND WOULDNT DO THAT TO HIM...

THE OTHER SHIT THATS GETTIN REALLY FUCKIN OLD IS MAD FUCKIN GIRLS SAYIN THEY ARE FUCKIN MY MAN CAUSE TRUST ME THEY ARNT HE WOULD TELL ME... AND I WOULD FIND OUT FROM OTHER PEOPLE IF HE WAS... GOD I FUCKIN CANT STAND THIS SHIT.. I CANT FUCKIN WAIT TILL STEVEYPIE COMES HOME SHIT WILL BE SO MUCH BETTER.. I DONT GOTTA DEAL WITH LIKE ANYTHING ALL I GOTTA DO IS CALL HIM UP N BE LIKE LETS GO AND ILL BE SET..

ERRR I HAVE SO MUCH ANGER IN ME I JUS WANNA LIKE FLIP BUT IM HOLDING IT IN.. DAMN I CANT WAIT TO LET THIS ALL OUT.. ILL PROLLY GO TO JAIL FOR IT TOO WHEN I DO FINALLY LET IT ALL OUT..

I DUNNO I GOT TO MUCH SHIT TO DO RIGHT NOW SO IM OUT


LATER

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Waitin for everyone to get here??? [31 Mar 2005|03:33pm]
[ mood | hyper ]

I jus wanna say THANK YOU to the Drink Your Fuckin Face Off Crew.. If it werent for you guys I would be sittin at home all the time cryin my eyes out. Not like I dont cry when im with you guys but still I mean its not as bad as if I was home. You guys showed me that its ok to like hit stuff when im mad and to let it all out & not hold everything in till I like break down. I dunno I am jus glad I have the friends I have. No matter how many times I go back & do the same stupid shit and take the same shit over and over they never give up on me they are right there to help me. I jus cant thank you guys enough. Dont ever give up on me and ill never give up on you..

Good times.....

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Somthing I need to do..... [31 Mar 2005|12:46pm]
[ mood | energetic ]

Ok so the past few night I have been thinking and some of my freinds have sat down & had long talks with me... Some of them end in me like cryin my eyes out and like hating them for the next few hours but thats part of life.. With all the shit thats been going on I think I needed it tho. It showed me that im not happy with who I have become. One good friend sat me down and told me to go back to the way I was when I was happy and didnt care about anything. Well im tryin to do that. But its hard. I know it seems bad but if thats the only way I can change things in my life to make myself happy im gonna do it. It really hurt me to hear them say that they dont like hangin out with me cause all I do is cry and bring them down. I was like wow.. Then they told me I was shallow cause all I care about is Looks, $$$, Cars, and Myself... I dunno the more I think about it the more its true?? I dont want it to be like that.. Ya know... I wanna be happy but not cause I get what ever I want. I wanna be the kind of happy like my friends... They dont care what people think of them or any of that shit... Thats like all I care about is what people think of me.. Yea I could care less if someone likes me or not. But you know what I mean.. Wow I gotta like change my life.. Im gonna start takin shit one day at a time... I jus wish Anth could see that I do love him still after everything we have been thru. I do care about him more than anything. I jus dont know how to show him. I mean its not like its my fault im like this ya know if my mom and dad didnt give me everything I want I wouldnt be this way... Im not like tryin to say its all there fault cause I could like tell them no but... I dont want to? Maybe im jus like a spoiled lil bitch and I have to get everything my way.. I hate that its like that and im so glad that you guys are tryin to help me change...

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A note to you.... [29 Mar 2005|01:42pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

Ok so I havent got like a chance to vent in a while.. Alot of shit is goin on right now and I jus am to the point of letting everything go.. I wanna give up on everything..

Aunt Pam~ I know I havent come to see you in a while but I have been goin thru alot. I know you watchin me and helpin me in every way you can. Im sorry I broke a promise to you. I promised i would never let another guy do this to me and look im right back where I was 3 years ago. I jus dont understand. But I should have never promised you anything cause you broke a promise to me too. I jus dont know what to do. Help me please.. I wish you were here to Kick my fuckin ass for this. I really do. It would be so much easier if you were here to talk to... I love you

Ok so thats out of me.. I dont understand why I let this happen again. I fell for the wrong guy.. Part of me wonders if I like listened to everyone where I would be right now..

Baby I love you so much. You are my everything. I wish you could see that I WANNA BE WITH YOU AND ONLY YOU!!!

I fuckin cry myself to sleep everynight. This is like killin me. I hate feeling like this. Its like my heart is jus being ripped out and run over by a mack truck again & again.. I cant keep doing this to myself.

Some nights I wake up and jus PRAY that im dead. Its so sick. I Pray that its over I dont have to live this fucking life.

Im sick of whorebags from 3 years ago fucking with my life.. GET OVER IT.. Wow MATT LEFT YOU BIG FUCKING DEAL... JUS CAUSE HE WAS TALKIN TO ME AFTER DOESNT MEAN YOU GOTTA BE A WHORE N TRY TO FUCK MY BOYFRIEND!!! SHIT WONT HAPPEN CAUSE YOUR NASTY!!!

Im jus sick of fucking life.. I cant wait to go to FL and get the hell away from here. I wish it was like today that I was leaving.

I wish for one day someone could live my fuckin life and have to be PERFECT for you Family and hold all you true shit inside cause people wont understand the real you and not be able to be with the ONE FUCKING PERSON YOU LOVE MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD...

Its like my life is Fake.. I cant ever be the real me.. I have to hide it all...

I dunno im so FUCKING LOST

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My life is fucked [20 Mar 2005|02:27pm]
[ mood | crappy ]


Your Love Life Is Most Like Pretty Woman


Mr. Right is looking back at you, for real.
Go get him - even if it's more than a little scary!




What Movie Is Your Love Life Like? Take This Quiz :-)




Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.











You Are 35% Orally Pure!



Your tongue sure has seen a lot of action.

While it hasn't been around the world...

Your tongue has been a lot of places

You've got a taste for oral, and you're proud of it!


The Oral Sex Purity Test

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva












So things have been messed up the past few nights.... I dont really know whats goin on other than I have been watching my life fall apart day by day... Oh well maybe that means that things will getbetter cause the only way you can go when your down as far as I am is Up????

Why do I care so much???
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Heaven is a place on earth [16 Mar 2005|11:01am]
[ mood | confused ]

I have been havin so much fun.. For like the past 3 weeks I have been hangin out with Tony & Frank & there freinds. Shit is so chill there. I dont gotta deal with lil fuckin whores callin me sayin im fuckin your bf or any of that shit.. Its jus calm.. So last Sat. night was my aunts bday party.. OMG it was crazy. Got there around like 8 left at like umm 11 & went to Tony & Frank's.. All I had at the bar was 2 shots and some drink that wasnt that good but hey it was free.. Then after we got to T&F's we jus chilled it was Todd's 21st bday so we were all kinda a lil hyper (well I was like I dunno what) Like 80's music at 12:30am random dancing jumpin on people shit was jus FUNNY.. Got home at like I dont even remember what time.. Hung out there like everynight Slept there Sunday night on the couch with Sara. I passed out at like 11 cause I was mad sick. Got woke up at 130 went back to sleep got up at 7 came back home at 830 & slept like all day till I went back over there at like 8. Then Sqweek was like lets go off roading so i was like lets do this we went to Lost lake and jus fucked around. Got stuck 2 times.. Played king of the Mountain yea its more like king of the 90 degree angle.. Went back to T&F's at like 1130 stayed there till about 1 then came home and crashed. I have so much fun when im there. I think its cause I can be myself and not worrie about being yelled at for sayin something or doing something...


Anth & I... Well I dunno what is even goin on with that. I guess its like really all over??? Thats what he wants so I dunno. I dont wanna lose him I do love him but I cant change his mind.... Oh well I guess ill jus be unhappy the rest of my life.. Ill never love someone like I love him... We made it 8 months.. I dunno.. I love him....................


So there really isnt that much goin on at all.. Same old shit day after day.... Nothing good ever happens around here....


Steve comes home in 72 days.. I cant freakin wait.. I need him here shit will be soooooo much better when hes back..

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